The Darkest Days of Life - Shattered

Mornings are a reflection of one’s state of mind. And when the ego is bruised, self confidence is shattered, mind is filled with remorse and haplessness, future too bleak and fearful; every morning seems to be an ordeal in which one wakes up into, with sleep seeming so distant yet so cherished. The gloom and darkness all around suddenly seems to engulf one, draining out every bit of adrenalin from the veins. It seems too inevitable to slip into the vast emptiness, and stare at the ceiling endlessly.

Sourav was passing through such a state of mind, after the Australia tour of 1992. It was supposed to have been ‘the moment’ of his life. His first Indian cap was supposed to be recognition of his potential and hard work. Sachin had done it. So had Kumble and Kambli, his fellow mates from the Kailash Ghatani U-19 team. But, what did he get? Slander and sarcasms, false allegations which inspite of his best efforts, he was unable to refute. Even before he could get a chance to prove himself, he was stigmatised and discarded forever. The chasm before him seemed to colossal to cross, and his dreams of becoming a Indian cricketer seemed to fade out beyond those high walls!

It seemed too tempting for him to slip into the vast abyss of hopelessness. But, the rebel within could not be reconciled with. He was vehemently protesting and was trying too hard to turn things the other way round. Something within him was making him too desperate to break the wall in his way and prove the whole world wrong!

The world is always too cruel to the vanquished. It derives sadistic pleasure, by feeding on the carcass of the dead. Sourav was facing this world every moment. Wherever he went to play, a group of people would flock together to hurl abuses at him. Then one day he lost his patience. It was the Eastbengal vs Mohanbagan match at the Amar Ghosh Tournament. A section of the crowd was constantly abusing Sourav. The 20 year old lost his composure. He hit back at the spectators by making improper gestures. That added fuel to the fire. The next day, the incident was made the headlines in every local newspaper. Everyone said that the younger son of Chandi Ganguli is just an arrogant waste. He has brought bad name to Bengal Cricket.

Another incident worth mentioning was the Ranji Trophy semi-final match against Haryana. Haryana had scored given a steep target to Bengal. Bengal was in pressure, after losing some quick wickets. Sourav was batting, with a determination and desperation to prove his point. Suddenly, there was a miss and a strong appeal from the Haryana players. Umpire declared him out. Sourav’s desperation got the better of him. He vehemently protested against the decision. This provoked the spectators and within a moment, the situation at Eden Gardens turned extremely unpleasant. An infuriated Kapil Dev sarcastically signalled Sourav to bat again, and said, “Bat karr..dekhta hoon kitna bada player bann gaya hain tu”. The controversy was savoured well by the media and junta at large! It made big news in all the Newspapers.

During this bad phase in Sourav’s life, Arun Lal stood by his side. One day he asked Sourav, “Maharaj, why are you behaving like this? A cricketer should always be calm and composed in every situation. Have you forgotten that?” Sourav looked up, in silence. His eyes were desperately seeking help.

An experienced Arun Lal, comforted Sourav, “Have faith in yourself. You are too young, with the whole life ahead of you. Don’t rush and be desperate. Wait for the right time, opportunity will surely come. And when it does, grab it with both hands and prove your point. But, you need to prepare yourself for that day. I believe you shall be a great cricketer one day. I believe in your potential”.

Sourav's eyes lit up. He perhaps desperately wanted to know only this .. that someone still believes in him.