John Buchanan ('Bookha Naan') Interview on KKR!

Here is what John Buchanan had to say to Ananda Bazaar Patrika reporter, Gautam Bhattacharya. The interview appeared in Sports page of the Daily on 29th April’09. I am attempted an English translation of the interview and have inserted my personal comments in parenthesis below.

Interview:
Q: It is believed by many that removing Saurav from Captaincy has been unfair, and led to the bad performance of the team. What is your logic behind removing Saurav from Captaincy?
A: It is not a personal decision taken due to a personal prejudice. The decision was taken in the interest of the Franchisee and its future.

(My comments: Amazing how far sighted Bookha Naan is! Want to know the power of his Glasses!)

Q: That is fine. But, why was there so much delay in change of Captaincy? And why was there so much mystery surrounding it. It has all been done at the very last moment. Even Mc Cullum must have faced much problem, at the late appointment.
A: Although we initiated the process pretty late, I am sure that this is the best combination possible.

(My Comments: Bookha Naan could have kept the truth pretty short and simple by saying, “Well, I got this dream (Multiple Captains) very recently”)

Q: Where is the evidence on Field? Do you still have any hope of going into the Semis?
A: Ya, we have. If we can win 6 out of the remaining 9 games, we still can reach semis as 2nd or 3rd team.

(My Comment: Now you know why Bookha Naan spends all the time with his Lappy. He tries to calculate the numbers in MS Exel.)

Q: You had said in Kolkata, that there shall be four Captains in the KKR team. We haven’t seen any such thing yet. There is only one leader – Mc Cullum
A: Multiple Captains is not what I meant. I meant Multiple Leadership. Mc Cullum is surely the Captain, but responsibility for setting the field is shared by Hodge and Gayle. Batting Order is decided by Mathew Mort. I didn’t deviate from what I said, did I?

(My Comment: Johnie, haven’t u ever learnt in your Nursey class, the proverb, “Too many cooks spoil the broth”? Time to go to school, Johnie.)

Q: So you are saying that you haven’t decided the Batting Order in a single Match, still?
A: No. The entire thing has been decided by Mathew. We have a good understanding.

(My Comments: Amazing! So what are u getting paid for? Dreaming of combinations and learning MS Exel?)

Q: Tell me something frankly. Why is KKR passing through such horrible time? Australia never reached a similar state in your tenure as Coach?
A: Australia passed through the same, many times. Didn’t we loose the Ash’s series? This team has done so too much of hard practice. That is making them stiff perhaps. We must be more relaxed and be able to control the first six overs of the game.

(My Comments: Well the real reason of stiffness is your presence Mr. Buchanan and member of Buchanan Foundation. It is natural to become stiff for normal people, if they suddenly find themselves in an Asylum, controlled by bunch of mad buffoons!)

Q: You had the best success rate among coaches. You have now got a blot on your record.
A: Haa! A T20 tournament result cannot tarnish my record for Team Australia. The sole goal of a Franchisee should not be to win matches only. It should aim at building a strong foundation for the future, by balancing the present with future.

(My comments: Wonder who was the last Aussie, to become a Philosopher from Cricket Coach and when? Think think..... It was Greg Chappel, just before he got the BOOT from the Indian Cricket Team.)

Q: What is Shahrukh, saying?
A: He is backing me extremely well. The help I am getting from the Franchisee is unprecedent.

(My comment: One advice for u Mr. Coachie. Never forget Shahrukh’s main profession. He is an Actor. You must have seen his acting skills soon after you announced your multiple captain theory, when he backed Saurav on Media and you behind closed doors! So whatever you do, Mr. Coachie, never allow him to get at your back. You never know what can happen!! Hope you got the message.)

Q: All said and done, if the team fails, you shall be the one in the Firing Squad. Does this thought occur to you?
A: That is a part of the system. If the system you built is of no use to the franchisee, I shall have to go. There is no way out. The bullet shall come and hit you. That is the condition of the job.

(My comment: I just pray that it is not a bullet that sends you out, but a kick to show you the door.)

Q: Last one. When Gayle leaves, do you think Ganguly should open with Mc Cullum?
A: I am not thinking of that right now. Hodge can also open.

(My Comment: Speak the truth Coachie. You should have said, “I am following a NO GANGULY policy, since Greg is my idol and I don’t care if I have to meet the same fate.”)


DISCLAIMER: The above is just a translation of the interview that appeared in Ananda bazaar, on 29th April’09. My comments within the parenthesis are solely my personal opinion.

Prime Suspect!

Well.. what makes one commit crime? As crimonology states:

• A strong motive which makes one outweigh any cons
• Ability to execute the intentions
• An opportunity to allow the intentions to be carried out.

Out of all the names making rounds as suspects, Ranadeb Bose seems to be the hot favorite.
The foremost reason being the interpretation of Fake IPL Player's own blog, where he writes about himself:

"Well, i am the perennial no hoper. In fact, the only time i had hope was when i played for my school. They thought i might make it to the test side one day. Well, made it to the ranjis, but never beyond. And this time round, am part of the ipl. Actually, i am not too sure why i am here. The team's full of super stars and all i do it bowl a bit, bat a bit, and field like a maniac. But, there's one thing i do very well. Serve drinks. And that's what i am expecting do in south africa. As i said, i am a no hoper. And have no hopes of getting a match in ipl."

The Blogger identifies himself as a Ranji Player, who coudn't make it bigger than that. A all rounder, but not a prolific one. In the team his position is mostly that of a 12th Man, who carries Drinks.

The Motive, ability and opportunity theory with some flexibilities, suits too well on Randev:

1. Ranadeb was hardly in the playing 11 in IPL Season - 1, and dropped soon after that. This time he left KKR and joined Kings XI. So his grudge against the KKR team is high placed. Particularly, the number of characters in his Posts from Kings XI Punjab is only next to that of KKRs. e.g. Appam Chutiya, Prince of Patiala, and Bubliee.
2. When the Fake IPL Player, uses sarcastic names for almost all the characters, he only uses initials for Ranadeb Bose (RDB).
3. He holds the world record of bowling 10708 balls in first-class and club games without over-stepping. Although at one point of time in his career, Ranadeb had raised a lot of hope, he couldn't eventually deliver and go bigger than the Ranji Squad.
4. Ranadeb has done his schooling from St. Lawrence High School Kolkata and completed his Graduation in Commerce from St. Xaviers College, Kolkata. The blogger, Fake IPL Player, no doubt has a good command over english.

This co-relation however seems bit too obvious! As a layman like me could also draw links to Fake IPL Player and Ranadeb. But question remains as to why Ranadeb would risk his career, by continuing to write the Blogs even when there is so much 'hulla gulla' in the media. He cannot be so lame!

So is it someone, who would enjoy, if Ranadeb Bose gets framed? Or is it an unintended link up by junta, which the real Fake IPL Player had perhaps never thought of?

Will time ever answer these questions, or shall this get into the IPL History books as the greatest unsolved mystery.

Nicknames Contd.

I have unravelled the mystery of some more nicknames used by the mysterious blogger, Fake IPL Player. The are as usual utterly hilarious and apt. Listing them down again alphabetically with my own explanation.

• Akram Azam: Kamran Akram
• Baja of Baroda: Anshuman Gaekwad: Is it because he hails from Baroda? Not sure
• Bevda Team: The Royal Challengers Bangalore: The owner a daaru wala ... and his team, full of bewdas (bevda)!!
• Big Mac: The BIG Mathew Hayden ...
• Bookha Naan: Buchanan - A loser Man!! Don’t want to waste my words on him
• Chatterjee Kaaku: The Old Uncle from the Ad posted by the KKR (Kolkata Knight Riders) Team where he says ‘Tum Bhi Jeetoge’... perhaps the lone soul .. hoping for a KKR win!
• Chintu Singh: Anureet Singh: Is Chintu his probable nick name? Cute name
• Ganji Hanger: Sanjay Bangar - Hanger and Banger does sound similar, doesn’t they? And Ganji Hanger, well perhaps I am not aware if a dedicated Ganji (vest) hanger exists and even if it does, it would surely be the most odd piece of furniture in one’s room
• Joker: Chang (The nepali guy) who was Indian Idol host... b.t.w. what is he doing here...hosting reality shows, along with Saddy Babe?
• Little Monster: Sachin Tendulkar: Aptly named!! Our very own little Monster (Master)
• Peter Ka Beta: Kevin Pietersen?
• RDB: Ha! .. thats the prime suspect .. Randeep Bose who many think is the real person hiding behind the name “Fake IPL Player”! (I shall dedicate a full post in the honour of our prime suspect)
• Shakespeare: Akash Chopra: Remember the famous dialogue, “et tu Brutus?”.. Had Shakepeare written it today, the dialogue could have probably been .. “Bloody Shahrukh”... Akash Chopra has an old classical style of playing... and in today’s era of 20-20 fast modern cricket he truly looks like having hailed from the Shakespearean era
• Sheegra Patan: ‘Patan’ seems to be derived from Pathan. And Yusuf Pathan doesn’t generally believe in hanging on the 22 yards for too long. He scores fast and falls fast as well. So rightly name as Sheegra Patan (Fast Fall).

So thats all the names i could list down as of now. Happy Blogging.

Post Mortem Begins - "The Internet Connection Ban" !!

Well lets get on to it!

On April 21, Fake IPL Player wrote that "In Cape Town. Laptops hv bn banned. I'net removed fm rooms. But posts wl continue thru SMS, relayed by my bro in India" .. I made a quick search on the Internet .. but was not able to find any confirmed news on this .. lot of other sites and blogs have just referred, reiterated or quoted what the Fake IPL Player has already stated...

However, I have come across a news report from in Bengali Daily, "Anandabazaar" published by the ABP Group on 24th April, where a very senior reporter reporting from Cape Town and staying in the same hotel as the players confirms in clear terms that there has been no ban on the internet or laptop use for the Kolkata Knights ...

Now lets look at some other facts and try to analyse them independently ... on 21st April the whole team of Kolkata Knight Riders were put up at the 5 star Hotel - One & Only Resorts (http://www.oneandonlyresorts.com/flash.html) along with IPL players belonging to other Franchisees (as reported in Dawn) ..... A quick check for the amenities provided by One and Only Resorts from their website reveal that the Hotel provides Wi-Fi internet connection.

Hence Mr. Fake IPL Player, how is it at all possible to selectively block Wi-Fi access for some guests and not for others, staying at the same hotel !!!!!!!!

And had that been truly done, don't you think it would have been a sensational news for all news hungry journalists out there, hiting the headlines of all 24x7 news channels of our country, and not just remain confined to your Blog only?

A quick reference index of the most innovative Names!

One thing is for sure about the Fake IPL Player .. he has astounding ability to come up with abosutely innovative names of fictious characters with resounding similarities to the real life icons and a Disclaimer of course!!
Here in the Blog, I shall first list down all the names used by him and possible reasons of naming .. with a Disclaimer of course that "ALL NAMES REFERRED HERE ARE BASED ON ANALOGIES DRAWN FROM THE CONTENT OF THE BLOG FAKEIPLPLAYER.BLOGSPOT.COM"

Well here we go alphabetically:

• Appam Chuthiya: Sreeshanth – The first part ‘Appam’ refers to a Mallu .. the second part to perhaps refer to his character in the views of the Fake IPL Player
• Badshah Dildo: Shahrukh – Well we all know him as Bollywood Badshah, but badshah dildo? U must allow creative freedom to bloggers
• Bangla Tiger: Mashrafe Mortaza from Bangladesh or Bangla!
• Big Sister: Who else other than the Winner of the hyped reality show Big Brother – Shilpa Shetty
• Bublie: Preity (Pretty) Zinta – self explained :)
• Calypso King: Chris Gayle – Really looks like a King from Carribean Islands
• Coachie: Buchanon – Pretty obvious
• Hawai Chappal: Greg Chappel (Chappal) – Hawai is perhaps to highlight that whatever Greg Chappel said/ says is all in “Hawa” .. nothing concrete
• John Wrong: John Wright (Right) .. use of paradox
• Junta Tormentor: Ajantha Mendis – Not sure if by Junta he meant players or spectators .. for spectators he is surely a Junta Treat .. for opposition players he can surely be one hell of a tormentor
• Kaan molu: Ajit Agarkar - Is it for his large ears tempting the beholders to give them a twist?
• Kishen Kanhaiya: Ravi Shashtri, perhaps for his much rumoured flirting kissas!
• Little John: Ishant Sharma who is not ‘Little’ at all!
• Lordie: Saurav Ganguly – perhaps because he has an Lord like attitude as well as associate with Lords very fondly. Who would forget his shirt waving histrionics at the Lord’s balcony or his century at test debut
• Meera Bhai: Harbhajan – Bhai is derived from Bhajji perhaps
• Mr.Batlivala: King of Bottles – Vijay Malya
• Pedophile Priest: Adam Gilchrist – Seems likely, but not sure what made Fake IPL Player give this name!
• Phoren Babas: The Support Staff of KKR – Mathew Jones perhaps
• Prince Charles of Patiala: Yuvraj Singh – A modern Punjabi with a princely attitude!
• Ram: VVS Laxman – Adopted perhaps after Lord Ram’s mythological bro – “Laxman”
• Sheikh: Shane Warne – His rumoured desire to build a 'harem' for himself!!

Oops that a long list, that provide only some of the names. Shall provide facts to explain how the Fake IPL Player misguided all of us into his own version of illusions, in the next blog!

Till then Tata.